is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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