I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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