I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
