We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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