Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
