I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
