the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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