Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
