if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
