And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
