redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
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Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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