2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
