I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
