Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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