11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
