Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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