Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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