I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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