Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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