this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I want a musical about memes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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