i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
