She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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