i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
