I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
