so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
