things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
