i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i think i have herpe
just one?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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