tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
