peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
