And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
