i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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