I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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