lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
