theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
