He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
