Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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