uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
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I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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