dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
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i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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