I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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