i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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