My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Is it penis luge time yet?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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