By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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