i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
