Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
