All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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