So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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