i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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