If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
