Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
