I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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