my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
