I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
