A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
