weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
