apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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