look no pants
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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