How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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