i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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