Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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