giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
All the doctor said was why
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
