I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
