I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
