I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
