She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
