There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
