I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Randomize
