I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sorry about my life...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
