rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
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at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
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Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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