The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
