i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
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I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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