this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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