maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i dont even know how to be here
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
