why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
