woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
