I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
only if we run a train.
done.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
