Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
3 2 1 whiskey
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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