I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
