Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
