Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
