***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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